Hi,
Below is a very useful article on the subject of handling problems with parents:
HANDLING POSSIBLE PROBLEMS
Chris R. Koehler
County Specialist, Communities, Families and Youth
Cooperative Extension
University of Massachusetts
YOU WILL LEARN:
- how to handle disagreements with parents.
- some possible solutions to common problems.
WHY KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE DISAGREEMENTS IS IMPORTANT
You may face problems. As a family day care provider, some problems can be prevented by having a Parent-Provider Agreement. In the agreement, your rules and policies are clearly stated. If a parent does not agree with your policies, he or she can choose another provider. Even if you try hard and are well prepared, some problems will come up.
Some problems will be just mis-understandings. At other times, you may really disagree with the way a parent thinks you should handle a problem. The better you can handle a disagreement, the better your day care business will run.
SEEING THINGS DIFFERENTLY
A provider who says there is never a problem in his or her day care program is not being honest with himself or herself. When you and a parent disagree, you must decide how to handle it. The first step with any problem is to say, “We have a problem.”
Some problems just blow over. For example, it’s late in the afternoon and a mother is tired. She snaps about the dirt on her son’s pants. The next day she forgets about the dirt. At times people do not listen carefully. For example, a parent thought you said the field trip was next week. Be patient and let the parent know when the field trip is.
WHEN PARENTS COMPLAIN
Here are some tips for handling complaints from parents.
Listen to feelings as well as words. Parents might be upset about other things in their lives.
Listen to the parents. They have a right to make suggestions about the care of their child.
Try not to get angry. Begin with the word “I” to state your feelings. Try not to blame anyone.
Remember that parents have good ideas about their child’s care. Several minds are better than one. It’s nice to have help solving problems!
If you make a mistake, say that you are sorry. Do what you can to correct the problem.
If a parent asks you to do something that is not right, do not make any promises. You might ask why the parent feels a certain way. Try to talk about it again at a different time.
WHEN YOU WANT TO COMPLAIN
Here are some tips that might help you.
Discuss a problem when you and the parents are alone, and when you have time and energy to talk.
Talk in a polite, calm voice. Do not talk down to parents. You may be the expert, but you are talking about their child.
Say something good about the child first. The parents will know that you really do care for the child.
Boost the parents’ confidence. Say something positive. They will be more open to your ideas.
You may not always agree with parents. That is okay. What is important is to live with your different ideas. Respect the parents’ point of view. Try to find a way to work together.
CONFIDENTIALITY
When a parent confides in you, treat this information as a secret. Even if a parent makes a comment in passing, he or she may not want you to tell anyone else. Remember, your business depends, in part, on word-of-mouth recommendations. The parent does not want you to talk about his or her children or family problems with other people. That is a quick way to hurt your reputation. You can tell parents that you do not wish to hear about their family problems. However, this information may help you understand what is happening in their child’s life.
COMMON PROBLEMS
Although things may be going well for you now, it is always wise to think through some common problems. Talk with other providers in your neighborhood about any troubles they have had. Think about what you would do if a problem came up in day care. Being prepared will help you handle problems calmly.
Here are some things that can help you handle problems.
Your local support agency can help. People there have heard many troubles.
Your local social service legal agency can answer questions about your legal rights and responsibilities.
Keep good records of problem behavior or unusual activities. This will help when you talk with parents.
Form a support group of other providers. Members can help you see a situation differently or suggest other ways to handle problems.
Be a resource for parents. Give them information for handling problems. You can also refer them to other professionals for help.
ACTIVITIES TO DO
1. Play out possible problems with a friend. Be yourself, and have your friend play the parent. Try to be confident and fair as you handle each problem. Think about where you could go for help with each problem. Start with the problems listed below. Then make up other possible problems.
Parents are divorcing or separating.
A parent always comes late to pick up a child.
A parent seems not to care about your program.
A parent loses his or her job.
You, the day care provider, get sick.
A child bites another child in your day care program.
You and a parent do not share the same values.
2. Visit your local library. Ask the librarian for children’s books that deal with divorce, death, and birth of another child. Also, see what adult books about handling these problems are available.
RESOURCES TO EXPLORE
*When I Say No, I Feel Guilty*. Manual J. Smith, Dial Press, 1975. Available from Bantam Books, Inc., 414 E. Golf Rd., Des Plaines, IL 60016
($3.50).
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DOCUMENT USE/COPYRIGHT
National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Part of CYFERNET, the National Extension Service Children, Youth and Family Educational Research Network. Permission is granted to reproduce these materials in whole or in part for educational purposes only (not for profit beyond the cost of reproduction) provided that the author and Network receive acknowledgment and this notice is included:
Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Koehler, C.R. (1991). *Handling possible problems* (*Family Day Care Facts* series). Amherst, MA: University of Massachusetts.
Talk soon,
Mary Nightingale
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